We shall call him ZIB!
by cgaussie
Summary: After everything seems to be crashing down around Zim, something even worse happens! Dib intervenes, and it results in.... a SPAWNLING! ((co-written with Poe))
1. Part 1

**Author's Notes**  
Finally, a somewhat original IZ fic! This is actually inspired by a mixture of things; a certain Pinky and the Brain episode('Brinky', in which something very similar happens to Pinky and Brain) and that 'Zim parodies DBZ' mp3 floating around on Audiogalaxy; in some parts, the guy(who may or may not be Zim's actual VA; I don't know, it sounds like him, just not doing his Zim/Dagget voice) sounded, to me, like an odd mix of Zim and Dib. And thus this was spawned.

I did a few crappy doodles to go along with the story:  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=90356  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=90361

Slight warning: This might have undertones of silly slash. Nothing icky, though there's some symbolism in the end of this chapter that an extremely dodgy mind like mine might pick up. Anyway. I hope you like it. Review if you want to make me verah' verah' happah'. n.n

**"We shall call him.. ZIB!"**

  


**Part I**

Zim narrowed his eyes, teeth ground in intense concentration. Sweat poured off of his forehead, dribbling down the sides of his goggles, as he held the tweezers in unsteady claws. Millimetre by millimetre he lowered the tiny component into the slot awaiting on the machine below, electricity crackling unchecked through the open current.   
  
He leaned forward, goggles scant inches away from the opening, a small, but bright lamp arching away from the bridge of the goggles providing him with light. His wrist tilted at a nearly unperceivably slow rate, making sure it was aligned just so with the slot. One wrong move, and..  
  
**_"MAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSTEEEEEEER!"  
  
_**Zim yelped and dropped the tweezers, jerking upright and smashing his skull into the open hood of the Voot Runner. The tweezers and the component that was clamped between their claws rolled off of to the side, clattering through a crack and disappearing into the bowels of the engine.   
  
"_NOOOOOOOO!_" Zim wailed, lunging forward and reaching for the tweezers. In the process, his claw landed right into the open electrical slot.  
  
"AAAAAAAARRRGH!" Electricity danced through the new fleshy conductor, nearly electrocuting the Irken. Smoke curling from his blackened skin, he coughed, crawling back with a wheeze and glaring daggers at the guts of his 'runner.  
  
Muttering, he tore off his goggles, shaking the soot off of his face and stomped toward the source of the cry, leaving a trail of ashes. "COMPUTER!" he snarled as he stalked into the elevator, "Take me to the main house level."  
  
The lift started to whirr to life, only to sputter and die. Zim's eyelid twitched, "_COMPUTER!_"  
  
"Lift system malfunctioning. Please take the stairs."  
  
Zim clenched his fist, huffing out a puff of smoke and forcibly making his way to the stairs, shoulders hunched as he kicked the trap-door of the attic down. Climbing down, muttering foul things in Irken all the while, he curled and uncurled his fingers, preparing to strangle the little robot that disturbed him.  
  
"GIR! I told you I was VERY BUSY making repairs on the Voot runner! You were not to-" He stopped upon spotting the SIR, who was in the living room.  
  
Gir was wailing uncontrollably, holding the area of the knee-joint on one of his legs. Electricity frizzled around a shallow dent in the metal encasement. Zim frowned, slumping out of his angry stance and walking over to the damaged robot.  
  
"What did you do to yourself, Gir?"  
  
"I crashed and hurted mah leeeeg!" He sniffled, looking up at Zim with watery eye-cams.  
  
Zim closed his eyes and shook his head slightly, "...doing what?"  
  
"Tryin' ta jump on da ceeeeiling!" Gir suddenly grinned, and attempted to demonstrate, but as soon as he stood, he wailed again and stumbled back onto the floor with a whimper.  
  
Zim kneeled by the little robot, looking dull, "And _why_ were you trying to do that?"  
  
"...I dunnooooo."  
  
Zim sighed and picked up the SIR, setting the robot and himself on the couch, the damaged leg draped over his lap. He unfolded an arm from his pod, the rounded tip of the mechanical limb snapping out into an array of tools. Selecting a few from the display, he set to work repairing the small dent and the damaged electronics beneath the metal hull.  
  
Gir squealed and covered his eye-cams, squirming and making a range of faces, finally settling for peeking out from between his fingers fearfully.  
  
"Stay STILL, Gir," Zim grumbled as he re-soldered the panel he'd cut into Gir's leg, "There." The arm folded back into his pod, and Gir marveled at his leg, flexing it experimentally. He squealed again, this time with joy, and glomped onto Zim happily.   
  
Zim stood up, the robot still attached to him, momentarily wondering if that'd been the wisest thing to do; an incapacitated Gir meant a behaving Gir. A ringing phone jerked his attention away from his thoughts, and he twitched, walking over to pick it up, the grateful SIR clamped firmly to his head in a hug.  
  
"Hello, Zim.. er.. residence? ....No, I don't want any of your stinking siding, filth-beast!" He slammed the phone back into its cradle, and Gir finally released his head, running back to the TV and grabbing the remote.  
  
Upon pressing the power button, the TV promptly exploded.  
  
Zim twitched again, staring in disbelief at the blackened blast-pattern on his carpet and walls. The smoke rising from the place the television had previously stood soon mingled.. with the smoke coming from the kitchen.   
  
"Eh?! What now?!"  
  
However, before he could run in to investigate, a light-bulb suddenly snapped and went out, plunging the house into darkness.  
  
Zim dropped to his knees and screamed. Gir screamed along happily.  
  
"ONE IRKEN CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH!" He pulled on his antennae, nearly uprooting them from his brain, staring disparagingly at the dark room. One of the devices concealed within his glove beeped.  
  
"AAH! I'm late for Skool!" He put on his costume in a panic and stumbled out the door, his wig skewed, one of his contacts at an odd angle.  
  
As he ran down the sidewalk, he didn't notice, or hear, the large crack erupt and run up the side of his house, or the flames that engulfed the roof.  
  


***  
  


Zim scowled in his seat in the classroom, not paying a bit of attention to Ms. Bitter's lecture about how all roads eventually lead to firey destruction. The state of his equipment was unsettling, to say the least; everything had quickly been falling into disrepair, despite his constant maintenance.   
  
_Is there something in this stinking Earth air that causes Irken technology to spontaneously explode after a while?! _He drummed his claws together, brain searching for some sort of explanation, _..could it be possible my equipment is less than up-to-par? NO! _He quickly dismissed the thought, _The Tallest entrusted me with a secret mission on this filthy planet of mystery, they couldn't have given me any less than the best Irken engineering has to offer!_  
  
Still.. it was a problem which demanded a solution far more than an explanation. It wasn't as though there was anything on THIS planet that could help him; the only ones capable of comprehending Irken technology were, well, Irkens. Not just any Irkens, either; only those of his extensive academic training!  
  
_If only there was more of my amazing.. INCREDIBLE.. brain to go around! _He slumped in his seat, until his eyes widened. He had an idea.  
  
"THAT'S IT! I am a _GENIUS!_"Zim shouted suddenly, thrusting a claw at the ceiling, cackling maniacally with his revelation.  
  
His cackling trailed off and died when the shadow of Ms. Bitters loomed over his desk. He whimpered and withdrew his finger to his side, staring up fearfully at the disturbing teacher.  
  
Ms. Bitter's uttered a low, rattling hiss, glasses shimmering with malevolence. Zim shrunk into his seat, curling into a foetal position and hugging his knees.   
  
Satisfied with the green student's terror, she flew back over to her desk in front of the room. All of the other students stared Zim, especially Dib, who eyed the alien with suspicion. _Just what's he up to?  
  
_Zim soon recovered, unfolding himself and pulling out a piece of scrap paper. His eyes darted back and forth, his arm curling over the paper secretively, and he began to doodle his plan. Dib raised an eyebrow, glaring at the plotting Irken with narrowed eyes.  
  
Soon enough, the bell rang, and the class went from a group of calmly sitting pupils to a wild stampede in 0.002 seconds.   
  
Grinding his teeth, Dib shoved his way through the throng, trying to sneak a peek at what Zim was drawing. He finally spotted Zim's metallic 'backpack' in the fray, still sitting at his desk, intent on his doodle. Dib stood on his tip-toes, stealing a glance over Zim's shoulder.  
  
His eyes widened, but he didn't get a chance to study the primitive drawing long, pulled away by the current of the student bodies. He had seen enough, though.  
  
Scribbled onto the notebook paper, in Zim's childish drawing style, were what looked like alien machine components, labeled with some unreadable alien script. But below that had been Zim's interpretation of the end result of his ingenious plan; A familiar looking Irken standing tall before a crowd of extremely similar aliens, raising a gloved fist, an action mirrored by those below him.  
  
Dib was pulled out into the hallway, where the crowd had dispersed into various directions. He slid his glasses back into place, eyes wide, "He's planning on making an army of clones! Millions of Zims, all working toward the complete obliteration of humanity!" Dib's hands curled into fists, "HE MUST BE STOPPED AT ONCE!"  
  
The bell rang again, signaling the start of next period. Dib slumped, "..or at least until after Skool's over."  
  


***  


Thankfully, Zim's lab remained fairly intact, despite the state of the main level. He stood in front of the monstrous machine he'd constructed, arms folded behind his back, a dark grin plastered onto his face.   
  
"Behold, GIR, the-"  
  
"WHAT IS IT?!"  
  
Zim glared at the robot, and coughed, "As I was saying.. The.. er.." Zim scowled as he sought a name, "CLONE.. MACHINE... thingee. It copies-"  
  
"WHAT'S IT DOOO?!"  
  
Zim twitched, "IT COPIES the DNA from two different sources and combines them into an organism! If the same DNA is used for both the 'mother' and 'father' cell samples, you get a perfect clone!"  
  
"Can I have a clone?!"  
  
The Irken looked at Gir dully, "Gir. You are a robot. You have no organic cells and thusly no DNA."  
  
Gir just grinned up at Zim, who sighed and shook his head.  
  
"No, Gir, no clones of you."  
  
"Aww, man!"  
  
Zim stepped up to one end of the machine. "With this device, I can create a small army of ME! I can have whole TEAMS on hand, for doing all kinds of.. STUFF!" Zim threw his head back, laughing madly and curling his claws.  
  


***  


Dib froze, hearing the cackling drifting up from somewhere below him. Clad in his stealth-spy gear, he'd been navigating his way through the dark, smokey chamber of Zim's living room, using night-vision goggles to see.   
  
Luckily for Dib, Zim's security system had also died, and he'd been allowed to simply walk in through the door, which fell off after he closed it. He looked around for one of the hidden lifts that lead to Zim's underground lair.. all marked with an 'Out of Order' sign hanging off of them. He stopped in front of a door, labeled "STAIRS!"  
  
Dib scratched his head, then shrugged and put on a dramatic expression, vowing, "Laugh now, Zim! Laugh while you can! But I'll put a stop to your EVIL.. cloney.. scheme!"   
  


***  


  
"LET THE CLONING COMMENCE!" Zim proclaimed, dramatically swiping a tongue depressor from a cup full of them. He stuck it in his mouth, scraping at the inside of his cheek, humming to himself. He then retrieved a vial, and dropped the slobbery depressor into it with a clink.  
  
He set the vial into what looked like a small cup-holder sticking out of the machine. A red light swept over the vial, then a computerized voice announced, "MOTHER DNA COPIED!"  
  
"YAAAY!" Gir suddenly screamed and hugged Zim's leg, "MASTER'S GONNA BE A MOMMY!"  
  
"EH! Release me, Gir!" Zim tried to shake the robot off, stumbling toward the opposite end of the machine. He was so occupied with trying to pry the SIR unit off of him, he failed to notice the figure crawling around in the jungle of wires hanging from the ceiling.   
  
Unfortunately, the figure in turn failed to notice the wire he was clinging to was frayed at both ends, and the added weight was more than the failing equipment could take.  
  
Zim gave up trying to remove Gir from his lower appendages, grumbling and grabbing another tongue depressor and vial as he reached the opposite end of the machine, where the other cup-holder type thing awaited.   
  
A cracking sound reached his antennae, and he looked up just in time to see a dark-clad, screaming Dib plummet towards him.  
  
Zim didn't have time to scream before the Earth boy crashed into him. The tangled mass of human, Irken, and robot flailed back into Zim's machine as all three struggled to get free at once.  
  
"EARTH STINK! HOW DARE YOU INTRUDE INTO THE SECRET LAB OF ZIM?!" Zim hissed, clawing at the dazed human currently crushing his spine.   
  
"I know your evil plot, Zim! And I'm here to-OW!" There was a ripping sound as Dib yanked his head back from the machine, rubbing his scalp and glaring at whatever he caught his hair on.  
  
The red light slid over the frazzled lock of black hair caught in the machine's clutches. "FATHER DNA COPIED! CLONING PROCESS INITIALIZING!"  
  
"WHAT?!" Both Zim and Dib screamed at once, scrambling to try and stop the machine.  
  
"YAY! I'M GONNA HAVE A LI'L BROTHER! Or maybe sister?" Gir sat up and pondered this.  
  
"WARNING: DNA COPIED IS FROM TWO DIFFERENT SPECIES! PROCESS MAY.. MAY.." The computer started, smoke rising from the machinery as the fate of all Zim's equipment befell it swiftly. It started to rumble, shaking like an overloaded washing machine as Zim frantically hit controls and pulled levers. Dib just looked on in horror.  
  
"INFERNAL TECHNOLOGY!" He screamed desperately, kicking a control panel. That was the straw that broke the donkey's back, and the machine pointedly exploded in a firey blast.  
  
**_BOOM.  
  
_**Dib, Zim and Gir were all flung into the back wall of the lab, the two organisms screaming in fear, the robot screaming happily and enjoying the ride. They landed with a vertebrate-cracking THWACK as the room filled with smoke.  
  
Agonized groans - well, and insane giggling from Gir - became ragged coughs, and one of Zim's mechanical limbs unfolded and sprouted a fan, clearing some of the thick electrical smoke.   
  
The machine was in ruins, twisted and blackened. However, it wasn't a complete loss..  
  
The machine pinged like a microwave. The computer's voice, albeit somewhat worse for wear, announced, "PROCESS COMPLETE!"  
  
Zim and Dib stared at the slowly clearing smoke in shock as a short figure slowly became apparent, sitting in the midst of the ruined machine components. Gir fidgeted around, chanting a mantra of "OHBOYOHBOYOHBOY!"  
  
The Irken and human exchanged a pensive glance, looking down as the smoke finally revealed the result of their tampering.  
  
A pair of hazel pupils - set against magenta eyes - peered up at them through a set of glasses which didn't have a nose to balance on.  
  
"WHAT HAVE WE DONE?!"   



	2. Part 2

**Author's Notes:  
**Sorry this's been a bit long in the coming. I was really kind of stuck there for a while, but thanks to Cartman's Girl, I now have something of a plot. n.n So the credit really goes to her for the ideas.  
  
S'more fanart, too!  
  
Stuff by Cartman's Girl:  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=96941  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=95806  
  
Stuff by me:  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=96076  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=94405  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=94408  
  
I had to up the rating due to some more slashy inferences and symbolism. Oh, yeah, all characters and character DNA © Mr. Vasquez. Don't worry, I might actually be delving into Zib's character some more in the next chapter, providing I can think one up. x.x  


  
Part II  


  
  
Zim and Dib recoiled upon seeing their hybrid spawn; Zim's face twisted into a look of appalled disgust, and Dib's jaws slackened with disbelieving horror.   
  
"It's so... so..." Zim stuttered, backing away from the creature.  
  
"...CUTE." Dib finished with a shudder, edging away as well.  
  
It - well, he, actually - _was_ quite cute, which was probably the disturbing bit. A horrible deformed puddle of flesh might have been one thing, but this.. The hybrid was young, short, large-eyed and large-headed - though that could've been inherited from his 'father'. He had a clump of black hair on his head, with not one, but two scythe-shaped locks bending backwards, giving him the appearance of antennae. His skin was an odd, greenish yellow, somewhere on the spectrum between Zim's olive skin and Dib's sickly pale off-white.   
  
His face was the same square shape as Dib's, not quite as tall and rectangular as Zim's, but a distinct lack of ears or a nose offset any appearance of humanity he might've had. His eyes were almost exactly like the Irken's, but oddly enough, had square pupils the same shade of brown as Dib's eyes. They were also set behind a large pair of glasses, which hovered on his face mysteriously, with no real way of being held up.  
  
His outfit was an equally odd mix of his unwitting parents; a trench coat far too large for him, draped over a magenta, black-striped shirt with a triangular neck. His four-digited claws were covered in gloves that went to his forearm, and he had the same black pants and tall boots that both the human and the Irken sported. A pod much like Zim's completed his mixed appearance.   
  
Dib blinked, "Er, why does he have clothes?"  
  
Zim shrugged. "We're cartoon characters. Our outfit and accessories are hardwired into our genetic coding."  
  
"Oh. Alright then." Dib crouched down, getting a closer look at the clone, "So.. what do we do with him?"  
  
"Normally, having been _corrupted_ with your INFERIOR human DNA, I would destroy it," Zim replied, matter-of-factly, then scowled down at the clone, "But I REALLY need the help maintaining my equipment! That, and.. " Zim's lip twitched, expression softening as he sighed and rolled his eyes, "I suppose it... IS kinda cute."  
  
Dib blinked again, looking at Zim dully, "That's why you were making clones? Manual labour?"  
  
"Yes. Why else, stupid human?"  
  
"I thought you were creating an alien army to take the world by force."  
  
Zim blinked, "Say, I hadn't thought of _that_.." Dib argh'd and slapped himself in the face.   
  
Zim dismissed it with a wave of his claws, "As intriguing plot as that sounds, it will have to be postponed until I can figure out just what to do with.. with.." The Irken pondered, holding his chin in thought, "I suppose he needs a name."  
  
"Yeah," Dib concurred, scratching his head as he looked at the hybrid curiously. The hybrid just stared back at him, blinking occasionally. Zim started rummaging around through his machinery, brushing soot off of everything.  
  
"Where is that name generator?!" He hissed, and Dib scowled at him, "Oh, come on, can't you be more personal than a name generator?"  
  
Gir, who had been bouncing around all this time and dancing like a monkey, finally came to a stop beside the hybrid and grinned. "Why not Zib?"  
  
"Zib?" Zim raised an eyelid at his SIR unit, and kept searching for the generator, "What's THAT suppose to mean?"  
  
Gir stared at Zim blankly for a while, then shrugged.  
  
Dib, however, had been pondering the name, "Well, I guess it makes sense.. It could be a splicing of our names."   
  
Zim scratched his head, then shrugged, "For once.. well.. maybe twice, human scum, I'll agree with you. We shall call him.. _ZIB!_"Zim raised a fist dramatically at this proclamation, his voice ringing through the battle-scarred lab.  
  
Zib looked up at his 'mother', and slowly stood on wobbly legs. The young hybrid walked over to Zim, and wrapped his arms around the Irken's knees.  
  
Zim's eyes glistened, lower lip trembling, and he was about to say something when Zib suddenly hefted the thin, lightweight alien off the ground and over his shoulder, causing him to crash into the ground face-first and loose several of his zipper-shaped teeth.  
  
"HAH! I've captured the alien!" Zib shouted victoriously, and attempted to drag a dazed Zim away. Dib started to howl with laughter, falling onto his side, and Gir, having nothing else to do, joined him.   
  
Zib turned around sharply and thrust a gloved claw in Dib's direction, "Laugh while you still can, human filth... you're next!"  
  
Dib stopped laughing abruptly, though Gir continued on happily. Scowling, the boy stood up, brushed himself off and marched over to where Zib stood. Zib's threatening claw followed him, though it slightly withdrew to the hybrid's side meekly when Dib loomed over him.  
  
"That is NO WAY to speak to your.. parent.. creator.. people! Now, put Zim down this instant!" Dib glared, pointing at the ground. Zib slouched, looking down at the ground with guilt, and let Zim's boots slide off of his shoulder. The Irken coughed up a few more of his teeth, crawling away and trying to stuff the missing teeth back into the holes in his gums.   
  
Dib recalled something, and looked at his watch. Gasping, he turned and started running toward the stairs.  
  
"Just WHERE do you think you're going, human crud?!" Zim snarled, his teeth finally back in place.  
  
"Mysterious Mysteries is on in a few minutes!" Dib replied, not bothering to look back until a mechanical spider-leg stabbed into the ground before him. He skidded to a halt.  
  
"I haven't had a chance to destroy you yet, for breaking into my lab!" Zim marched over to where his cybernetic leg had landed, scooping up the hybrid before he could cause any further damage. Zib seemed content to hang off of Zim's head.   
  
Dib gulped, and turned to face the Irken. Zim's other legs unfolded, raising the alien far above Dib, looming threateningly despite the toddler attached to his head. Dib whimpered, backing up into the leg blocking his way, as Zim lifted the needle-point tip of one of the other spider-legs, preparing to make shiskabob of the human boy..  
  
...and instead screamed, falling down, mechanical legs splayed and clattering to the floor. "AAAAAAAH! GITTIMOFFME!" Zim clawed at his head, trying to remove Zib, who was happily chewing on one of Zim's antennae.   
  
"OWOWOWOWOWOOOWWWW!" Zim wailed, finally tearing Zib away from his sensitive antennae. Zib snickered to himself at the chaos he'd caused. Panting, Zim clambered to his feet, dragging his disjointed spider-legs behind him held the hybrid out and away from him, attempting to foist him onto Dib. "TAKE HIM!"  
  
"What?! No! You can deal with your freakish clone-spawn yourself!" Dib held his hands up defensively, glaring at Zim between his fingers.  
  
"He's YOUR fault!" Zim snarled, "None of this would've happened if you hadn't been a stinking stink-pest!"  
  
"None of this would've happened if it hadn't been for you stupid evil schemes!"  
  
Zib watched the argument go back and forth for awhile, before squirming out of Zim's hands and dropping to the ground, the Irken too involved in the argument to notice.   
  
Gir wandered over to him, "Helll-oooo."  
  
Zib shrugged and waved. "Hey." He then looked up at his 'parents', scowling, "Are they always like this?"  
  
"Yup." Gir folded his wrists behind his back, looking up at Zim and Dib as well, then glanced at Zib, "Wanna go watch TV?"  
  
"'Kay."  
  
"Well, YOU were the one that had to go turn us into bologna that one time!" Dib yelled accusingly at Zim, neither noticing as Gir and Zib made their way up the stairs.  
  


***  
  


Gir sat on the couch, transfixed by the display on the replacement TV. He'd found an old 13" black and white television in the garbage. Of course, it didn't work, and the screen was a buzz of noisy static.  
  
Gir bathed in the wavering glow, hushed, enraptured by the dancing black and white dots. Zib, however, was far less easily amused. He slid off of the couch, looking around, before spying the open front door of Zim's house.  
  
No one noticed as he left this time, boots clicking over the fallen door.  
  


***  
  


"Yes, well, if we hadn't gotten trapped in your STINKING HEAD that one time--" Zim started, before he looked around and noticed something amiss - two things, actually. "...er, where'd Gir and Zib go?"  
  
Dib snorted, folding his arms, "I don't know, they're YOUR robot and spawn."   
  
"MINE?! Gir, perhaps, but let me EXPLAIN something to you about spawn-creatures.."  
  
Dib winced and waved his hands, "No, Zim, I think I've already heard that conversation from Dad." He shuddered, then shrugged, "Zib's probably with your robot, so, he should be.."  
  
The boy blinked, realizing what he was saying, and exchanged a worried look with Zim. Without another word, they both ran up the stairs at full tilt.  
  


***  
  


"He's GONE?!" Zim shouted at Gir in disbelief.  
  
"I guess sooo." Gir shrugged, gaze never leaving the television.  
  
"How could you just let him wander off like that?!" Dib followed, looking exasperated.  
  
"Watchin' tee-veeee." Gir explained, giving himself the perfect alibi.  
  
"Who KNOWS where he is by now! The candy zombies could've gotten him!" Zim bit the end of his claws in worry, looking around with paranoia.  
  
Dib sighed, grabbing the alien's wrist and dragging him to the door, "I doubt it, Zim. Come on, let's go look for him. We can start at my house."  
  
"THEY'VE PROBABLY DRAINED HIS BLOOD AND REPLACED IT WITH HORRIBLE.. ZOMBIE.. _GOO!_"Zim wailed as the human pulled him out the door.  
  


***  
  


An epic battle raged. It was one against twenty, and she was down to her last healing potion. Sweat fell down Gaz's face as she faced the hoards of vampire piggies, wielding her vorpal blade, preparing for a battle to the death...  
  
...when the doorbell interrupted her game. Her eyebrow twitched, and she hit the pause button, putting down the GameSlave and going to the door.  
  
"What do you two want?" She glared, without opening her eyes, at Dib and Zim, who stood pensively at the door. They looked at each other, and Dib took a deep breath, walking in, "Okay, Gaz, this is going to sound REALLY weird, and I don't know how you'll react, but.."  
  
Gaz raised one of her eyebrows and watched Dib and Zim sit down on the couch. "Maybe you should sit down," her brother urged, and she smirked, picking up her can of grape Poop. This could be interesting.  
  
"I might as well get right to the point. You see, Zim and I.. er.. we've.. uh.." Dib scratched his head, trying to figure out how to word himself, and Zim attempted to take over with no more success, "What he's trying to say is.. eh.."  
  
"Oh, just spit it out." Gaz sipped her drink, "Everyone at skool suspects it anyway."  
  
Dib blinked stupidly, "Er, suspects.. _what?_"  
  
"You know. The way you two chase each other around and argue all the time. You're not fooling anybody. Don't worry, I'm cool with it. It's almost.. cute."  
  
Zim quirked an eyelid and looked at Dib, "What is your sister-creature babbling about?" Dib, however, was unable to reply, a look of sheer horror wrought onto his face, frozen. He was mumbling to himself, and Zim's eyes widened when he pieced it together.  
  
"IT'S NOT THAT AT ALL!" He shrieked, and pointedly scooted onto the side of the couch opposite of Dib, "It's just that, well.." Zim scowled at his lap and muttered, "We accidently created a hybrid spawn of ourselves and it escaped."  
  
"...we were wondering if you'd seen it." Dib recovered, and added. "Short, kinda green, black hair, glasses, trench coat, shirt like Zim's."  
  
Gaz just stared blankly, sipping her soda.  
  
"You're an aunt, Gaz."  
  
Dib and Zim blinked as they were covered in a spray of purple cola.  
  
"So," she recovered, wiping off her chin, "You two are not only gay, you're REPRODUCING?!"  
  
"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Dib insisted, "And we're NOT gay!"  
  
"The machine broke," Zim muttered, drumming his claws on his knee.  
  
"Whatever. Look, guys, what you do in your spare time isn't any of my business, but I'm WAY too young to have a nephew, or a niece, or whatever-the-heck it is." Gaz ushered them out the door, "So anything you spawn is YOUR problem."  
  
Zim huffed as he and Dib were pushed out the door, which shut behind them. "Impudent scum-beast!" he hissed at the door, and Dib shook his head.  
  
Suddenly, an idea formed in the boy's inordinately large head. "Capturing that hybrid would prove your alien-ness just as much as capturing you would, Zim!" he cackled, and leapt off the porch, "Then everyone would believe me, and the world would know about you!"  
  
Zim blinked in surprise at the sudden outburst, but Dib didn't give him a chance to retort. The human ran off purposefully down the street, in search of the little clone-spawn.  
  
The Irken scowled, clenching his fist, "Traitorous human FILTH! I'll find Zib and train him to follow in my footsteps as a great Invader before you ever come close to finding out where he is!"  
  
He needed an edge, though, since the human had a head-start on him. "I know! Every Irken pod has a unique identification signature! I'll just report to the Tallest, ask them to look up any recently generated numbers, and get a tracking device!"  
  
Zim ran off in the opposite direction, and the chase was on.  



	3. Part 3

Notes:  
  
Guess I should explain. Poe, the origional author of this story has decided to take down all fanfiction that's in her account. She felt, since I finished this story for her – it makes me part owner. So that's why I'm uploading it. Sorry for the confusion. And now, some art.  
  
Poe:  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=99682  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=104516  
  
Ellen Anderson:  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=131798  
  
That Girl:  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=123360  
  
Chika Jin:  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=101327  
  
Cartman's Girl (me) :  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=147616  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=147624  
  


Part III

  
Zim gulped. He hadn't considered the fact that reporting to the Tallest and asking for assistance would require a full explaination about what happened. It hadn't been easy to admit his failure to maintain his equipment, or how the cloning process got botched up by a simple _human_. He drummed his claws together, looking down at them shamefully as the two tall Irkens on the monitor glared at him disapprovingly.  
  
"You should be ASHAMED of yourself, ZIM!" Purple chided, and Red added, "You KNOW you have to be careful when dealing with cloning technology! Didn't they TEACH you about that in Invader Academy, or are we going to have to personally administer 'the TALK' to all new soliders?"  
  
"We're very disappointed in you," Purple shook his head, then muttered in disgust, "And with that large-headed human kid, of all people!"  
  
Zim shrank back from the monitor, his antennae drooping sadly. "But, I.." He sighed, not attempting to defend himself. They were right; he'd messed up. He flinched slightly as the monitor snapped off, the communication channel closed.  
  
He stared at the control panel for a while, looking miserable. He winced further when the tubing feeding the monitor he'd been looking at cracked suddenly, the display dropping off and smashing into the panel below.   
  
"Stupid Dib. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? Stupid, big-headed human stink-filth!" He kicked the control station he'd been seated at, biting back a yelp of pain when his fragile, bony toes and the boot that contained them connected with the hard metal.   
  
He still needed an advantage; he was lagging horribly in the search for Zib. Dib could've found him by now, for all he knew; who knows what the human would do when he found the annoyingly adorable spawn? Zim wasn't about to allow Dib any sort of victory.  
  
That, and while he hated to admit it, a part of him was worried about the little hybrid, the same part of him that allowed him to resist the constant urges to launch Gir into the sun.  
  
"Stupid mushy brain part!" He hissed, clawing at his head, "An Invader must feel no mercy!" Digging his claws into his scalp did nothing to halt the faint worry, though. Defeated, he sighed, sliding out of the chair and walking toward his arsenal of.. stuff.  
  
"All of this superior Irken technology at my claw-tips must give me some sort of advantage! Hm.. AHA!" He selected a mask from one of the weapons racks, holding it out. It wasn't dissimilar to the masks worn by the aliens in _Predator_. "This ultra-vision mask will allow me to track life-forms by a multitude of different spectrums! Infrared vision, night vision, smell-o-vision.. And I can attune it to track certain DNA patterns, much like Gir's guidance chip! I'll just use some of my own DNA, and it should lead me RIGHT to the only other thing on this planet that shares it, Zib!"  
  
He cackled, before stopping suddenly, furrowing his brow, "Wait a minute, who am I talking to?" He looked around, shrugging to himself, before slipping the mask onto his face.   
  
One of his pod-arms unfolded, arching over his back as he un-gloved one of his hands and held out a claw. _Snip._ He dropped the claw-clipping into a compartment on the mask, and the nail-clippers re-folded into his pod.   
  
"Scanning..." A computerized voice reported, before pinging, "DNA memorized. Tracking..."  
  
Zim stumbled, the mask building a virtual 3D map of the surrounding area in a 50-mile radius through echolocation technology, and took Zim on a virtual fly-by of the area on the interior monitors. "Organism located."  
  
On the monitors, Zim hovered above what looked like field, though everything had been simplified into white outlines against a blue backdrop, so it was hard to tell. Zib's form, however, stood out, coloured red.  
  
"AHA!" Zim turned a knob on the side of the mask, reverting it to normal view-mode, "I'll beat you yet, Dib!" He ran up the stairs, stuffing the wig onto his head carelessly as he did so, forcing it in around the mask.  
  


***

  
Zib wasn't quite sure where he was. A few cars had almost hit him, and more than a few people had stopped and stared at him. He'd shied away from them, and after a lot of wandering and running, had left the suburbs and entered the country-side.  
  
"Stupid staring humans," he muttered, "What's wrong with them, anyway, haven't they ever seen an alien hybrid before?" At least it was quieter, here, no cars threatening to grind his guts into the pavement, no people staring at him slack-jawed. It was cold, though, and it was getting dark.  
  
He frowned, hugging his coat over his magenta shirt, looking at the darkening sky with some fear as he wandered through the tall grass. "No!" He hissed suddenly, setting his face into a look of resolve, "I can't show fear! I'm a great.. spawn.. hybrid.. thingee." He slouched, "Who's hopelessly lost."  
  
Wind whipped through his hair, threatening to remove his glasses. He yelped, clinging to them; he'd dropped them before, and had discovered that his eyes were the least successful part of his creation. The compound, ultraviolet-sensitive eyes of an Irken, combined with the optics of a human, who had poor eyesight to begin with, just didn't mesh well.   
  
The grass wasn't helping. It was full of sticky, thorny things that liked to grab onto his coat. "I hate the country-side!" He proclaimed, grumbling. He'd said the same thing about the city not too long ago. He couldn't even see where he was going, as the tall grass towered over him. He tried jumping up and down on his tip-toes.  
  
"If only.. I could get.. higher up.. somehow! ACK!" Unbidden, his small set of mechanical-spider legs sprouted from his pod, catching him mid-leap. He yelped, flailing around as he hung from them, the legs starting to skitter through the grass. He glided along, feet dragging in the top tips of the grass, as the cybernetic implants he had yet to master raced through the darkening field.  
  
"Hey! STOP! STOOOOOP!" The hybrid wailed, and the legs did just that, halting rather suddenly, front-legs stabbing into the ground. He swayed from them helplessly, then blinked as he noticed a faint shape in the dying light. A large, four-legged creature, rolling around on the ground and forming alien symbols.  
  
"It's that crop-circle cow!" Another arm from his pod unfolded, and he blinked at it. At the end of the mechanical arm was a pair of night-vision goggles. "Hey, cool!" He reached up, tugging the goggles down over his glasses, playing around with the knobs to adjust the zoom on the goggles.  
  
Zib twitched, narrowing his eyes behind the goggles, "That cow.. I wonder if it IS being controlled by the aliens. I MUST STOP IT!" He suddenly shouted, looking around at the field and the symbols that were, er, rolled into it, "They're making it leave absolutely vile graffiti all over this field! But how to stop a cow.." He wondered.  
  
His claws twitched, and an odd, alien suggestion tugged at his subconscious. "Inexplicable.. urge.. to MUTLIATE! Yes.. yes! In order to stop the aliens, I'll mutliate it! YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED, SMELLY MILK-BEAST! PREPARE FOR MESSY DESTRUCTION!" He cackled, pointing at the cow threateningly, and prepared to race towards it..  
  
..only to trip as his mechanical legs became entangled, sending him tumbling through a small briar patch. Zib allowed himself a small whimper, sitting up and picking the thorns off of him, looking down at the many tears in his coat and pants-legs with a sigh. The wind blew by again, this time colder, the sun almost completely set.  
  
"Stupid cow," he muttered, withdrawing his legs and the goggles back into his pod, and hugging himself against the cold night breeze. His lower lip trembled as he glared ahead, and he slid a claw beneath his glasses to rub at his eye.  
  
He suddenly froze when he heard someone making their way through the grass. Had the cow heard him, and come to seek vengance? He drew up his knees, hugging them to his chest and peering at the grass fearfully as it parted..  
  
"THERE you are, you little.. spawn.. thingee! I knew I'd find you before Zim did!" Dib shouted victoriously, towering over the little hybrid. "Now, to capture you and prove to the world that Zim really is an alien!" Dib snickered, glasses glinting in the moonlight as he stalked toward Zib, arms held out, preparing to grab the clone-spawn..  
  
Then he noticed the pathetic state of the young gene-splicing experiment gone awry. Pants leg and coat torn, stuck with thorns and nettles, the yellowy-green flesh beneath marred with cuts, scrapes and bruises. His hair was a mess, and his glasses already had a small crack in them. Zib looked up at him, curled up into a foetal position, frowning, shivering slightly from the night air, eyes shining with threatening tears.   
  
Dib slumped, suddenly feeling like a very large jerk. "Aw, jeeze.." He sighed, sitting on the ground beside Zib and putting his arm around the shoulders of the miserable little hybrid, "What happened?"  
  
Zib took a deep, shakey breath, leaning against his 'dad', and prepared to retell all the events that'd happened since he left Zim's house... but all that came out was a strangled sob, and he clung to Dib, burying his face into Dib's coat collar and started crying like a little kid, probably because he was one.  
  
Dib frowned. At least he had some big-brother experience from way back when, before Gaz became a doomful gamer. He pat Zib's metallic pod in a feeble attempt at comforting the choked-up kid.   
  
"AHA! I've found you! Hey, what are you doing here, human scum?!" Zim's voice, slightly muffled, sounded from a few metres away.   
  
Dib turned to glare at the Irken, making a 'shush' gesture and pointing at the crying hybrid.   
  
"What?! You horrible human! You made him cry!" Zim accused, and yanked off the mask as he made his way over to Zib's other side.   
  
"Oh, I did not! I found him like this," Dib glared at Zim, watching the alien sit down on the opposite side of Zib. Zim started to retort, before frowning when he looked down at the youth clinging to Dib's shoulder. "What happened to him?" Zim asked in an unusually quiet, rational tone, noticing the torn state of Zib's clothes.  
  
"He probably ran into some thorns," Dib replied, looking down at Zib, who was starting to calm down, his sobs dying down into sniffles.   
  
"Poor little.. spawn," Zim murmured, and Dib looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. "What was that? Did I detect you caring about some living creature besides yourself?"  
  
"What?! No! That was just.. some swamp gas reflecting off of Venus." Zim quickly responded, looking indignant, pointedly looking away from the two others.   
  
"Whatever, Zim. Ugh," Dib muttered, looking down at the tear-stain on his coat, "I hope this stuff doesn't eat into my flesh. Here, you take him," The boy gently removed a sleepy Zib from his shoulder, pushing him toward his 'mother'.   
  
"Eh? But-" Zim started to protest, but the hybrid yawned, flopping across Zim's lap before the Irken could do anything, and curling up. Zim put on an unconvincing scowl as Dib tried to wring out his coat collar.  
  
They sat in relative silence, the only sound the occasional mooing in the distance and Zib's soft snoring. "So what do we do with the spawn?" Zim demanded, turning his scowling glare on Dib.  
  
"I don't know. We can't take him back to my house, Dad might want to experiment on him or something." Dib smoothed out his coat. Suddenly, a sound broke the semi-silence.  
  
"MOOOOO-GRK!" A distant, distressed moo sounded, cut-off sharply.  
  
"...what was that?" Dib asked quietly, freezing.  
  
"I believe that was the cow-beast meeting its doom." Zim replied casually, until his eyes widened, realizing the reprocussions. His face suddenly twisted into a look of confoundment and disgust, "That smell.."  
  
Dib blinked and sniffed the air. He didn't smell anything. Zim reached up, pulling off his wig, allowing his antennae to better analyze the scent.  
  
An odd look crossed Zim's face, before his eyes rolled into his head, and he fell back onto the ground, metallic pod hitting the ground with a clink.   
  
"Zim?!" Dib yelped, reaching over to shake his enemy's shoulder. The Irken was motionless, segmented tongue lolled out, a puddle of drool forming near his mouth.  
  
The human started to panic, mind racing, when a large spotlight snapped on directly above him, shining from the sky, or at least a few dozen metres off the ground. Dib shielded his eyes from the blinding white-blue light with his free arm, squinting up at it through his fingers.  
  
It looked like a UFO.  
  
He didn't even notice the dark figures approaching, wearing what looked like haz-mat suits, until one spoke. "Agent Mothman?"  A muffled human voice asked in shock, "You, of all people, a traitor?"  
  
"Huh?!" Dib swung his head around, partly blinded by the bright light.  
  
"He's obviously one of _them_, now," The other figure spoke, "Give me the concentrated knockout gas."  
  
Dib didn't get a chance to protest before he was sprayed with a misty white fog. He coughed, swaying, fighting to stay conscious.  
  
The last thing he saw before he blacked out were the two figures shaking their heads in disappointment. 


	4. Part 4

Notes:

This is where I took over. Horay.

  
Part IV

  
The room was cold, dark and silent. Movement seemed impossible, and that was right. Dib's eyes slowly focused on the ceiling which was covered in wires, most of them throbbing with electricity. Suddenly his mind snapped back into action, where it had left off earlier that day. Or was it the same day still?  
  
"What... where am I?" his eyes darted around, then realised he was strapped down onto a table by cold metal shackles. Then it all flooded back to him. He had been caught out by fellow Eyeballs when he was in the field with Zim and...  
  
"Zib?" Dib craned his neck, trying to see further then he could. But the rest of the room was shadowed in darkness, the only light was from the electric currents running through the wires above him, and that light was shining down on him. Dib could hear something tough, the muffled sound of tapping. A lot of tapping, like something, or someone was trying to break free from something.  
  
And how right he was. Zim was in a cylinder much like the ones he had seen in his nightmares of being captured, and here he was! Suspending in green goop in this metal cylinder. Clawing at the glass he tried to free himself, but not much came from that.  
  
"Cursed human technology... FAR inferior to Irken technology but still I curse it!!" Zim kicked at the glass, but only succeeded in hurting his foot. He hadn't been awake long, but his instincts told him to get out of there as fast as he could. Then his memory jogged. Dib was somewhere in this place, wherever it was, and so was Zib.   
  
He frowned, he didn't like understand how he suddenly felt sorry, much less worried for the little hybrid spawn, but he found himself looking around frantically, trying to catch sight of him. Nearby on a table, he saw it. What was once Zib's jacket, and his glasses. Zim knew that even human technology would be unable to remove an Irken's suit, since technically it was attached to their pods, not allowing anyone other then that Irken to remove the clothing.  
  
"Zib?" he looked around more, then saw him. Zib was in a similar container, but further away from Zim and the light which shown Dib in his full-headed glory. Zim's eyes widened as he saw Zib's motionless body hanging in the liquid.  
  
"Zib! Zib wake up!" Zim knocked his fists against the glass, trying once again to break them, this time not for himself, but to get to Zib and get him out of here before anything would happen.  
  
"Zim?" the Irken's antennae twitched as he heard Dib's voice from where he lay.  
  
"What?!" Zim snapped loudly, annoyed at the glass, and Dib being alive.  
  
"Where are you?" Dib asked, looking around more.  
  
"Well let me see... my guess would be I'm LOCKED IN A STUPID GLASS CYLNDER AND UNABLE TO BREAK FREE?!" Zim screeched, not noticing the glass slightly shaking at the height his voice reached.  
  
"Hey I'm not exactly a free guy here either!" Dib snapped back, trying to see Zim. "Any ideas where Zib is?"  
  
"Oh so you CARE all of a sudden?" Zim folded his arms snobbishly, "I thought you didn't want anything to do with him!"  
  
"Don't give me that! Why should I?! You're the one who made that stupid cloning machine!" Dib cried out, pulling at his hands which were latched down.  
  
"Don't give me THAT excuse! ...either way he's in something like I am, but other there." Zim motioned with his hand, forgetting or not caring that Dib couldn't see.  
  
"Great... just great... you're finally found out as an alien and I'm considered a traitor to all humanity while all I've been doing since you landed here is try to expose you for the freak you are! This is great, JUST great!" Dib ranted for a while, ignoring the sounds from Zim's cylinder as he tried to break it again. "WHAT are you doing?!"  
  
"At least I'm trying to get out of this awful place!" Zim retorted, clawing at the glass.  
  
"Oh please Zim, they have your face and everything else about you on file, there's NO way you can get out of this! At least I know the world is now safe from you and that stupid robot…." Dib continued, then stopped. He could almost see Zim's face light up at the mentioning of GIR.  
  
"GIR! Yes! GIR's still out there! He'll be able to save me and Zib from this awful place! Thanks Dib, I guess your brain IS used for some use after all!" Zim's pod quickly sparked to life, and the communicator Zim occasionally uses sprouted out and hung in front of his face.  
  
"I only hope he's able to comprehend the situation…"  
  
"We're domed."  
  
"Oh shut up!"  
  


***

  
"Hello and welcome back, today's topic is out of control *click* treasure that will last *click* four days only! Be here or BE *click* waiting right now for your phone call, so gimmie a *click* hotdog! Get your hotdogs!" the TV screen hadn't been this so alive in, what, half an hour? GIR, finding himself alone in the house had decided to do what he normally does. Watch TV and order food.  
  
The little robot sat on the couch, munching on what looked like a pizza that was sprinkled with taco dip, bananas and ice cream. He giggled as he changed channels more and more quickly until it was just a blur on the screen.  Suddenly GIR's antennae pops up higher from his head, and the antennae becomes a satellite and it projects a transmission into the air from Zim. Zim's still in the green goop, too.  
  
"Hi Master!" GIR declared happily.  
  
"GIR! I need your help urgently!" Zim screeched, looking around nervously as the goop swishes more.  
  
"Are you swimming? I hope you're in a bikini!" GIR giggled at the idea of his Master in a bikini and swimming, but his image was popped by Zim.  
  
"I've been captured! Me and Zib and even the filthy big headed Dib!" Zim continued.  
  
"Woo!" GIR said happily, tongue hanging out his mouth.  
  
"…GIR am I gonna have to go over this again?" the Irken's eyes narrowed, a migraine beginning to take shape in his head.  
  
"Nope!" GIR replied, nodding his head. Zim sighed.  
  
"GIR, once I finish this transmission run a scan using your guidance chip in your head to find me, then come and SAVE ME!" He was returned with a blank stare.  
  
"I'll give you tacos!"  
  
"SIR YES SIR!" now red eyes flashed, and GIR saluted his Master. Zim nods, then the transmission ends. He sits there for a while, then stands up.  
  
"GIR searching for whereabouts of Master Zim!" Through GIR's vision, we see everything become see through and outlined by a red line. The words 'ZIM' in Irken writing is seen highlighted in right hand corner.  
  
There's a quick pan through the city, out of the city, through the country side and passes a military sign reading Area 51, what looks like Big Foot, Nessie, and Elvis. Finally it comes to a stop at the Top Secret Swollen Eyeballs Base.  
  
"Ah-ha!" GIR's search mode switched off, the co-ordinates now in his memory banks, what's left of them. He jumps into the air and lands on the ground after doing some impressive summer salts in mid air, and pulls his dog suit on.  
  
"GIR's gonna save the day! Banana Man style!" He opened the door, closed it after him and rushes off into the dark night, shortly after his booster rockets in his feet roaring to life, and he vanished into the sky.


End file.
